RSS: Really Sinful Stuff

They say that technology has revolutionized the way we get the news. But has it also changed the way we ‘perceive’ the news? Has the ‘overflow’ of information made us all news buffs, while desensitizing the ‘human’ observer inside? RSS (most commonly expanded as “Really Simple Syndication”) is a Web feed formatted for publishing frequently updated works. People like me are hooked on RSS, at the great expense of letting the ‘onslaught’ of data ‘affect’ our ‘perception’ of the ‘world’. This is what my RSS feed was doling out the other night…

Yesterday, 11:28 PM

NWFP officially renamed Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa

Eighty senators voted in favour of the new name, while 12 opposed. As everything else in that part of the country has already hit the fan, this uber-manly act of nationalism has finally managed what our ‘enemies’ have failed to achieve in three wars: virtually split the entire country up into provincial fiefdoms and breakaway movements. Thanks guys. Enjoy the new name.

Yesterday, 6:27 PM

Senate approves 18th Amendment

Prime Minister BiIlani has called the bill a landmark achievement. He also said that all those who have been either killed, injured or disenfranchised in Mansehra/Hazara need to wait for a “Three Phase Solution” which he described as waiting for 1) a major coup, followed by 2) a major activist movement, followed by 3) a major assassination, and THEN hope to get their own little province through the 19th Amendment, as that’s the way constitutional changes are made in Pakistan.

Yesterday, 5:57 PM

No Cric Tours to Pak any time soon: ICC

ICC’s Haroon Lorgat has advised Pakistan to strengthen its domestic structure like South Africa did when it was isolated. Thus, Pakistanis will have to experiment with famous South African socio-political models like apartheid, massacres, incarcerating leaders (e.g. the PCB chief serving a Mandela-type ‘sabbatical’ somewhere deep inside Quetta’s Ayub Stadium) and even self-admonishing their nuclear capability. Thanks for the novel idea, Haroon! This is brand new stuff you’re pitching!

Yesterday, 5:57 PM

US, France “not reluctant” to provide nuke tech: FO

The Foreign Office stated that both the countries were “not reluctant” to provide civil nuclear technology to Pakistan. When asked what ‘not reluctant’ signified, the FO spokesperson Abdul Buzzhit said “They haven’t said no”. When further prodded on what ‘no’ meant, Mr. Basit responded that “Well, they haven’t said ‘Pakistan: we would rather hand over our nuclear launch codes to the Russians, our missile silo locations to the Chinese, and even give Air Force One to Bin Laden so he can ram it into the Eiffel Tower before we give you a goddamned glove to hold a contaminated screw with’.” Note: Mr. Buzzhit has now been transferred to the Africa Desk at the Foreign Office.

Yesterday, 4:27 PM

Iceland volcano stops flights in Britain

Hundreds of flights out of UK airports were cancelled, including flights to Pakistan. That’s ok. Most of us don’t get visas to the UK, and many of those who do manage to secure one get deported, and those who actually make it there don’t ever come back (because when they do their kids get kidnapped) so like we said, that’s ok. We don’t care. We’re just amused as we wonder about how Virgin Atlantic will remain chaste in the company of so many Easy Jets as they all chill on the tarmac.

Yesterday, 1:57 PM

Quarter-final win for Aisam Qureshi

Qureshi and Bracciali scored a 6-4,4-6,10-6 win over Alvarez and Di Mauro in Rome’s Rai Open.  That’s awesome. We love Aisam. He’s actually the most decent sportsman we’ve had since our cricketers went on a beard-growing/ball-chewing/drug-carrying/match-fixing/STD-acquiring /actress-swindling/wife-divorcing/shotgun-wedding spree. Plus, Aisam looks great in shorts, which could help calm tensions in Pakhtoonkhwa areas if we make him a goodwill ambassador.

Yesterday, 12:53 PM

NATO leaves remote eastern Afghan valley

US commanders had been debating for weeks to increase US forces in the valley. Instead, they decided to simply shut down operations and head over to Karachi for a little R&R as Fashion Week 2’s after-parties continue to provide ample opportunities for the tired Marines to regroup.

Yesterday, 12:23 PM

Lashkar-e-Islam ready for talks

The banned militant group appealed the government to stop the on-going military operation in the Bara region.



One thought on “RSS: Really Sinful Stuff

  1. Haha…nice Waj. Whats wid this lil fooling arnd wid last names? Aisam seems like a pretty decent guy, but wht if he falls for Asin, d bollywood princess?

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